and there it was, a tub of dessert topping: an edible oil product. the "edible oil product" bit makes me pretty nervous. i don't like whipped cream that doesn't contain any cream. same goes for mayonnaise that doesn't contain any eggs, fruit drinks that contain no fruit, and chicken mcnuggets (c'mon, does it make ANY difference if they're white? we all know they just added bleach to the chicken necks and feet that they use.)
so i did something radical: i looked in the fridge. normally, ian could hide money in there and i wouldn't notice. i only go there for moisurizer and perfume (poison, always). i found a one-litre container of whipping cream. which relieved me a little, then made me even more worried. WHY DOES MY APARTMENT CONTAIN SO MUCH FROTHY WHITE CREAM?
on further searching of the kitchen, i also found: two bags of two-bite chocolate brownies, which are divine and i love them, and a big five-pound bar of bittersweet chocolate.
then ian phoned me and said that he'd be home at one, since he was going to visit the place of someone he was working with. (he got off work at midnight).
it isn't often that i don't know what he's up to. i'm not sure if i'm more nervous or more turned on.
at any rate, it's probably time for me to offer up disparaging remarks about the institution that is valentine's day.
i was looking through the shoppers' weekly flyer (shoppers' being a major canadian drugstore chain). the whole thing is pink and red. whoever designed it ought to be ... i'm trying to think of a good way of murdering him. maybe spooning out his adam's apple? anyway, something creative. AND did you know that at shoppers' you can buy
yes, that is a perky valentine's day hat! and, in case you're one of THOSE people too dull to add your own excitement to your sex life, there's lover's coupons, which come in two varieties: his, and hers. thank you, shoppers', you truly offer something for everyone.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF IT!!
yes, that IS a heart-shaped NASCAR tin. and, for a mere TEN DOLLARS (that's nearly two hours' worth of slapping sandwiches together for me) it can be yours!
i wonder if they'll have a big sale on the overstock after v-day. if they sold them for a dollar a piece, i might buy some. for all my car-racing-fan friends, of course.
WAIT! IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SO SAPPY WOMEN CAN BUY THEIR EMOTIONALLY UNATTACHED MEN V-DAY PRESENTS WITHOUT THEM BEING TOTALLY GIRLY????? that's just disgusting. shit. i wouldn't buy ANY boyfriend THAT monstrosity as a token of my sentimentality.
oh yes, in case you were wondering, i'm not much of a fan of v-day. last year, i made ian a rose out of a paper napkin, and left it on the pillow. this year, it'll probably be a subway napkin. a guy i work with blew $200 on his girlfriend. and, i mean -- WHY? coupled types already have christmas, numerous anniversarries, and one birthday apiece -- do they really NEED another excuse to spent lots of cash fawning all over one another?
why can't we all just buy painkillers and shut the fuck up?
if anyone out there in internet-land has been wondering what i've been up to, i've been intensely depressed, mostly due to my shitty job serving schlop to the downtown rats -- they're rude, stupid, and they don't tip me well. and they start drunkenly singing bar songs while eating their subs. HELLO, SUBWAY HAS BRIGHT LIGHTS. NOT A BAR. go somewhere else, stupidface.
the working for $6.25 drives me crazy. the working thirty hours a week plus school drives me crazy. i think i need some good strong uppers 'cos i slept through THREE DAYS of classes this last week. i made this piece of crap trying to learn flash, which is OFFICIALLY the hardest, most time-consuming thing ever.
these are the cruelest months. i'm all angst and cactus spurs. once i get past march, i'm in the light.